More Proof That TSA Agents Are Worthless Idiots

Last week, there was an incident in Las Vegas involving a hungry overzealous TSA agent who confiscated a freaking cupcake in the name of national security!

Here’s the full story:

At Las Vegas International Airport, TSA supervisor [REDACTED] is keeping travelers safe from the terror of delicious cupcakes-in-a-jar. I learned this firsthand earlier today, when I put myself and my fellow travelers at risk by attempting to travel with one.

The agent who first found my dangerously delectable snack consulted [REDACTED] about it just barely within my earshot. He responded hesitantly at first, saying that he was “not sure”–and “with the holidays coming, it’s getting harder and harder.” When he finally decided my treat was a no-go, I asked to speak with him directly, and he asserted that the frosting on this red velvet cupcake is “gel-like” enough to constitute a liquid, in part because it “conforms to its container.” Also: it “should have been in a zip-lock.” At this, I offered to scoop my dangerously conformist cupcake out of its jar and place it in a zip-lock bag, where it could mush about to its heart’s content; but Agent [REDACTED] wisely refused. After all, the jar in all its tasty glory “clearly contains more than 3 ounces of total contents,” he said.

I then explained to [REDACTED] that I’d been allowed to bring cupcakes-in-jars through Boston’s Logan airport on my outbound flight with no problem (the TSA agent there had exclaimed, “These look delicious!”). To this logic, [REDACTED] responded, “If Boston had done their job right in the first place, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” (Take that, Boston!)

CLEARLY [REDACTED] is in the right, because unbeknownst to him, when I had previously opened one of these marvelous cupcakes on the flight from Boston, everyone’s safety was jeopardized. There was pandemonium among my hunger-crazed fellow travelers: Everybody wanted one. (Just like [REDACTED], who probably ate my cupcake on his next break.)