How Does She Measure Up In Bed?

If you’ve ever heard women talking, you know that they talk about sex just as much as we do. And, similar to how we complain, they do to. Most of us dudes make it our missions to please a woman but you’ve probably noticed that most women haven’t got the slightest interest in pleasing us. Many of them think that if they just get naked, we’ll have a great time and they just leave it up to us to bring home the bacon (erm…orgasm).

I initially wanted to write a different article this week, one that proved why a woman’s looks has a direct impact on her sexual performance however, in order to write that I had to come up with a way to dictate what is and isn’t a good sexual experience.

Similarly to how we grade women based on looks (from 1 to 10), I think it’s only natural that we should grade the sex we have with them as well. Judging a sexual encounter is important because it will allow you to KNOW what you want from a sexual partner.

During the years I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners. However, most if not all of them fall in the below 5 categories. This is a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) and it looks something like this:

#1. The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)

This girl has the potential to become the Pornstar (#5) but she hasn’t yet watched enough porn. Because she tries so hard, she moves out of sinc; is sloppy; does a good job at taking your attention off the sex part and more to the “WTF is she doing” part; she has the highest percentage of male genitalia injury; breaks condoms; helps you lose your boner and gives you a genuinely bad sexual experience.

Chicks that fall into this category are inexperienced and believe that a man’s penis is made out of a rubber that has no pain receptors. If they have been drinking, they would also fall into this category. That’s just one more reason to avoid “taking advantage” of inebriated women.

#2. The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin)

This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen. She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event and when it does happen she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.

#3. The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll)

The girl doesn’t know, doesn’t care or doesn’t like to do anything. As sad as that may seem, at least she doesn’t do anything that disrupts the actual lovemaking. Because of that, she will probably have many more orgasms than #1 and #2 simply because she lets the man do his thing. This is particularly true if the dude lives to please, in which case she’ll have a fantastic time.

But what about the guy? While this may be enough for many men, the ones that have sex more than a few times a year would probably like to see more. However, the overall sexual experience is average but quite acceptable for most of us.

This type of woman is by far the most common, at least around the age of 25 and really does go behind the belief that all a woman has to do in bed is to get naked and say YES.

#4. The one that does something (aka The Girlfriend)

This chick has had at least one somewhat serious relationship in her life where she has witnessed that indeed, a man does want more than a starfish. While she may be incredibly experienced in the art of lovemaking, she does go that little bit extra, enough to put a smile on our faces.

All girls can and will eventually become this girl, as long as they end up in a relationship with a dude that asks for it.

#5. The one that knows (aka The Pornstar)

This is the girl that knows what she’s doing. I don’t know if it’s the porn she watched, the amount of sex she had or what it is but you know it when you see it. This is the girl dudes leave their wives for. This is the girl that was born to have sex and she knows it.

If you manage to land such a slampiece you’re one lucky bastard. Although you may constantly have the “feeling” that she’s either cheating on you, or there’s something about her past you don’t quite want to know, this girl is still going to blow your mind. She’s the type of girl you’ll give up crack for.

Note: With age, also comes experience. Generally, women below 25 don’t have a clue about what they want in a sexual partner; let alone what to do with one. Women over 25 start to have a good idea about what they want and start to make an effort towards their partners. Only after 30 do most women become “sexually liberated” and will be able to provide you with high quality sex. Of course there are exceptions but this is generally true. Finally, if we were going through this scale purely by age, EXCLUDING all exceptions, it would look like this:

Under 25: The Disaster, The virgin, The doll – very rare chance to find the Pornstar.
Over 25: The doll, The girlfriend. – will sometimes find the Pornstar.
Over 30: The girlfriend, The Pornstar. – your wife might already be a Pornstar.

But Alex, what about looks? Would this scale be any different based on how a girl looks? Of course it will and that’s what we’ll cover in next week’s article.